This post has been on my mind for a long time.
I'm really excited to share our story with you, and I'm nervous too, because I'm exposing our mistakes and blunders on the internet for all to see. But if it could help or encourage one person to change their financial situation, it would be worth it.
When my husband and I got married, we were both free from credit card debt and always said we would never go into debt or use credit cards, and that we would always be "smart" with our money. We were very pious in our belief that financial trouble could never happen to us. I now know, our idea of fiscal responsibility was very different than what it should have been.
I continued to work in early childhood education and childcare and my husband continued with his job in construction where he made fairly good money. Not lots of money mind you, just decent, lower to mid middle class money. Plenty to live on and have a little bit of fun too. He worked, hard. Manual labor, in the sun, working like a dog. He liked it enough, and he was young, in his early to mid twenties.
He eventually worked up to crew lead man. And then when a position in sales came up in his company he went for it. And he got it! I was so proud of him! He worked at this new job for a year or so before we found out we were expecting our daughter! I finished out the school year at my job and then 2 months before my due date, I went home to be a stay at home mom. Our girl was born, healthy and perfect and we were so happy! All those strong emotions after the birth of a child, especially a first child. Extreme happiness, joy and elation, along with exhaustion, fear and stress. But things were good.
We had not calculated the cost of the birth into our budget prior, (we have insurance, we don't need to worry about it!! And who am I kidding, we had no budget.) so we added some debt owed to the hospital to our bills, which we paid in monthly increments.
Money started to feel tight along the way, as I was no longer bringing home a check and we did not adjust our lifestyle. We by no means have ever lived a luxurious or fancy life! But when you don't tell your money where to go and have a plan and goals, it just seems to fall through your fingers with nothing to show for it. We lived paycheck to paycheck for a long time. I don't think we really even realized that's what we were doing. Some months were great and plentiful and some months were bare and tight. We never changed our spending habits and never stuck to a budget. We ate out a lot. We shopped. We wasted a lot of food. We just were an undisciplined mess. When a paycheck would come in, we would feel good for a day or two, feel like everything would be okay, we had plenty of money... Then we would spend the weekend eating out, shopping, and doing whatever the heck we wanted with no plan and before you knew it we would barely have enough money in the account to pay the bills.
At this point, we owed money on our vehicle, our home, a credit card with a smallish balance that we just never felt the need to be done with, and we owed the hospital. By the time we payed all these other people, we were done. And pissed. Bills, bills, bills! Is that all we are alive to do is give our money to other people?! Just sharing that that is how we felt makes me want to slap my forehead now, but nevertheless, there it is.
The feeling of stress, disappointment and insecurity that this lifestyle brings is a real downer. We felt like we were spinning our wheels.
We made excuses for why we were the victims and why it wasn't our fault. Things went on like this for awhile after our daughter was born until the other shoe dropped. My husband had the worst year at work he had ever had. His commission income pretty much dried up for 9 months. We had a little bit set aside that we blew through quickly. We kept thinking things would get better. That one big check would fix all our problems. But everything that could go wrong at work did. No jobs were coming through and he just didn't get paid. We got so desperate. We started selling things. Guns, antiques, clothes and shoes, jewelry, whatever we could think to sell. That wasn't enough, so we started paying bills and buying groceries on a credit card. It was so scary y'all. It was hands down the toughest time in our marriage. The feeling of not knowing if you would be able to pay your mortgage, and keep your electric on was heavy and all consuming. And knowing that it was all our fault made it worse. We felt like failures. But because we knew it was all our own fault, we insisted on pulling up our bootstraps and fixing our life!
I do not like feeling like a victim, because victims don't have any say in what happens to them and cannot change it. I refused to be a victim anymore. This was a big, hairy mess and we made that mess one dollar at a time. One meal out, one clearance blouse, one movie date at a time, like stacking up blocks one at a time until they all come falling down on top of you.
My husband bit the bullet and got the dreaded second job so that I could continue to stay home with our daughter. He worked at his regular job about 50+ hours a week, then added about 24 hours a week with the second job.
Bless his heart. He's a good man.
I started looking for a better way to handle our money. And I found Dave Ramsey. I won't go into every detail of what Dave Ramsey teaches because if you are interested, you can read his books for yourself. But I had his book Total Money Makeover, and I started listening to his radio show religiously. And I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel!
The main principles that we started to implement when a little money started trickling back in were these:
1. Cut up your credit cards. Like right now.
2. Make a written budget together and STICK TO IT. Every dollar gets told where to go.
3. Stop eating out and live on beans and rice, rice and beans.
4. Use a cash envelope system. When it's gone, it's gone.
5. Put $1,000 away in an emergency fund.
6. Pay every spare cent towards your debt.
7. When all your debt is gone except your mortgage, throw money towards building up 3-6 months of living expenses.
Oh y'all. Those previous months were so scary and so hard that we were ready to do the budget and we didn't care if we couldn't shop or eat out. We were just thankful to have some sensible advice and help that pointed us in the right direction. When we finally had a little income again to budget, it was the most satisfying thing I ever experienced. I relished in budgeting our money and planning for the month.
Slowly things changed. We finally started to get enough income regularly that we could pay our bills and pay towards our debt. We threw money at that credit card. We eventually paid it off about six months later. That was a happy day in our house, let me tell you! It was like cutting free a cement block that was dragging you down in the water, drowning you.
Then we got even more sense about us and decided to sell our new car. The car I affectionately refer to as "the dumbest purchase ever".
Yeah.
The car that cost us hundreds of dollars of month and dropped in value greatly the moment we drove it off the lot. The car that we purchased because of the lie out there in the universe that says that you deserve a "nice reliable car" even if you can't afford to buy one with cash. We took a loss on it, but it was worth being rid of the payments. You would think we would have been sad to see it go, but the day we handed that car dealership the keys and $1,000 check and said good riddance was a happy, happy day. I started driving our older, paid off pick up truck full time. My husband drives a company vehicle for work, so we only have the one car. And I plan on driving it until we can save cash to buy another vehicle. Yes, sir. CASH.
It might not be a nice, shiny, new car... Or it might be a nice, shiny (not new) car. That all depends on how much money we can save before the truck konks out.
Here is a truth that I am confident in, and it may be an offensive one to some, but never the less, it's the truth.
If you can't pay cash, you don't deserve it. We don't automatically deserve certain things. We are not entitled to anything.
I am obviously not talking about every single circumstance on the face of the planet, but I am talking about the average folks like us, out there working a job, making some money, capable and semi-healthy. If you can eat out fast food, or buy beer or have cable TV, then I'm talking to you.
Good, smart financial principles apply to us all. It doesn't matter if you make a little bit, or a lotta bit, it is our responsibility to handle our own money responsibly.
We are not entitled to own certain things just because it is the general opinion the we should.
Gasp! I was not fond of this principle when I first confronted it. I told myself lies.
"I have to have a newer car so it's safe and reliable."
"I deserve to travel here and there and go on vacation once in a while... Making memories is important, right?!"
"I have to have nice clothes for work."
"We make good money, there's no reason we should be punishing ourselves."
On, and on. Gross.
Something we somehow missed, was that our outgoing money has to be less than our incoming money.
No matter how you figure it, or what your personal priorities are, or how much you choose to work and earn or not, if you are spending more than you are making, you have a big problem.
Our life is so much more meaningful and relaxed and things are more meaningful and appreciated when you make a plan, and respect yourself enough to stick to it.
I can not tell you how much more meaningful many things in my life are now.
I don't go out and throw a bunch of clothes in my buggy at Target because they're on sale or because I feel like it. I keep track of my wardrobe, what my needs and wants are, and then I prioritize. I plan on spending a certain amount and then when I go to the store and find what I really, really love and what is flattering. I buy it and bring it home and it gets an honored spot in my closet and I wear the crud out of it. And it is appreciated and well used. And I don't feel any guilt!
One of the greatest discoveries for me has been how freeing a budget is. People think a budget is constricting. A budget is freedom! I can go to the store and spend money within our budget and feel zero guilt. Before, I felt guilt every. single. time. i spent money. I haven't felt that guilt in a year and a half thanks to our budget.
We sit down together at the end of the month and plan for the next. We write a paper budget, talk about all our plans that require money, our special events, needs and wants, and we prioritize. If I really want to buy a new outfit or two, but we have several holidays and outings coming up, I wait on the clothes because they are not as important as the other things. My blender has broken, and I could go out and spend the money to buy the new one I want. But other things have been more important, and I decided that smoothies and soups were further down my list of priorities. So maybe next month! And I promise you, when I have the money set aside to get the blender that I really want, it will be very exciting to go, pick it out and bring it home. I will appreciate it more than if I was to swipe a card, and feel guilt every time I see it. And while we are on the topic, I am soooo excited for the day we can go to a dealership and choose the car that we want and pay for it in cash, right there. Doesn't that sound like such a thrill?!
We have a certain amount of money in our eating out envelope and we go about once a week. I have a grocery budget and a cash envelope for that as well.
We each get some personal spending money to use how we want.
Everything is planned out, written down and talked about.
Think about it this way. Money is our time. For us, money that gets put into our account is time my husband spends at work, away from us. I always try to think of it that way when I spend it. Is this item worth two hours of my husband's work? How much will I use this item? Could I find buy it second hand? Can I do without it for a while?
So what are we doing now? We are debt free.
Do you know how much more money we have, now that we don't have to give it to other people anymore?
Ahem. So much more.
All the work and long hours separated and the stinkin' beans and rice eventually paid off and our life is completely different now.
We are organized and deliberate. My husband quit the second job after a year, when all the debt but the mortgage was paid off.
Our income is about the same as it has always been, but it feels like a heck of a lot more, because it lasts so much longer and it is respected.
Now on to socking away money to meet our next goals!
We have freedom that we have never known. Thank you God! And I wish everyone that is struggling with money could feel that freedom too.
No comments:
Post a Comment